Don't expect much heavy philosophy in this blog. I just woke up from a hilarious dream and felt compelled to share it. Much of it won't make sense to those of you who don't drive Powered Industrial Trucks, otherwise known as forklifts, for a living. So, this one's for my fellow PIT operators.
It was some time in the near future. I was still working for The Company (known only as, because this blog contains many, many opinions of my own, with which my employer may or may not agree -- best not to confuse mine with theirs), but in one of their start-up satellite warehouses for handling damaged goods. We used a wide variety of PIT, ranging from mundane forklifts to esoteric exoskeletons reminiscent of the Caterpillar P-5000 power loader from Aliens. For high-reach capability, we were using (by then ancient) Crown RR-5700s, which are very similar to a regular forklift except that they can reach fifty feet up in the air, and the forks are mounted on a heavy-duty pantograph mechanism which can extend up to four feet. We had just taken delivery earlier that week on a very different kind of reach truck -- a Voltair Sestron C-300. It was roughly based on the P-5000, but in the way the that Lambourghini's LP-550-2 Spyder is based on the Ford Model T. The Sestron was smaller and slimmer, with fully articulated legs and torso frame which more closely conformed to the operator's body, allowing for increased flexibility when working up in the high-racks. It was classified as a reach truck because it featured a magnetic rail motor mounted on a pantograph, which the operator could attach to special rails mounted on the racking to elevate the truck up to the appropriate level. It was painted in Voltair Corp's signature colors: violet and blue.
Only one or two people in the warehouse were trained in the use of the Sestron, because it was a very new piece of equipment and still had a few design quirks which made it difficult to use. In addition, use of the high-reach rail required special racking rated for 25,000 tons, which were yet to be installed. The Company was still evaluating the utility of the Sestron before deploying it to other facilities, and our facility waa chosen as the test site.
On the night in question, there were only three people working in the warehouse -- myself and two other PIT operators named Betty and Joe. We were visited by a man named Marcus, whose exact job I don't know but he was some sort of executive at The Company, and had a reputation as a jerk and an idiot. People generally humored him. I was working on organizing some recently received shipments of goods, which only occasionally brought me to the main PIT area where Joe and Betty were working. As such, I was not privy to the whole conversation. Apparently, Marcus was hassling them over some minor issue (as usual), and they had managed to distract him with the knowledge that we had recently received a shipment of Floppers, a Wonka creation which was kind of like a gummy elephant ear -- a favorite snack of Marcus. They were in cases on a pallet on the E-level shelf, and Betty and Joe had somehow convinced Marcus that he could use the Sestron to retrieve them. They were destined for the trash, so nobody would miss any that were taken -- a practice greatly discouraged at The Company even today.
So, Marcus suited up, grabbed a pick pallet with surprising skill, squared himself up to the racking -- and took a flying leap ten feet into the air, banged the headcage on the E-level crossbeam, and knocked himself out cold. I was laughing so hard I woke myself up. Talk about shaking hands with danger!
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